Gee, where've I been, huh? Well, I graduated on Friday and that was the worst experience ever. I won't even get into it, but I'm glad it's all over with. I've been pretty busy these past few days and yet I haven't even returned to Midwood to retrieve my damn diploma. I'll probably do that tomorrow. I haven't seen my friends as often as I should have this week, but we do have all summer afterall.

At this point, I have a priority list of who I want to hang out with within the next few days: Simon,Ray,Keith and Claude. I miss my boys, dammit! Although, I did have the chance to see Simon and Keith about a week and a half ago. I'm greedy and that isn't enough. In other news, my long term friend of 12 years is pregnant by some guy she's been seeing for nearly a month. It looks like I'm going to be a godmother because she's an idiot and I doubt that she'll be getting an abortion. In short, her life is pretty much over. Oh well.. not really my problem.

So, tomorrow marks my last official day of high school before graduation. I'm about to say something very typically foolish right now, but I don't care. I think I ought to be happy that these four years are done because high school was a pain in my rear. Yet, at the same time I can't believe it's over already. However, unlike Mike I'm not going to cry about it because it's not that serious. Fuck that. I'm glad it's over because it's not as if I have so many people that I'm going to miss terribly. Anyone that I actually care about, I'll most likely still see. I believe Mike is so distraught because he knows that after high school, most of his "friends" won't really be his "friends" anymore. For some reason, he thinks that life is over after high school and that's all wrong.

In other news, I called this Jewish fundraising company in search of a new job. They responded to my e-mail tonight to schedule a phone interview on Thursday, which is good. It's a part time job where you have to work a minimum of three days a week for at least four hours a day. The hours are "flexible" [ so they say] and you get paid $9.50 and hour. Doesn't sound like a bad deal to me and I really, really hope I get it. D & D has worked it's way onto my very last nerve. They barely have me working more than three days a week so my paycheck has been practically garbage lately. Since school is almost over, perhaps I should ask them for more work days. Although, they'll most likely give me five days worth of night shift and that's not good either.

My goal this summer is to be very active in all sorts of things. I don't ever want a day to pass where I'm bored and praying for the day when college classes start. I want this to be one of those memorable summers that remain untouched. I already know that I'll be in Aruba for a week with my mother in August.I'm really looking forward to that. I'll probably fly down to Port St. Lucie,FL to visit Heathabee at least twice once she moves [::tear drop::]. I'm definitely looking forward to the 4th of July because that's my favorite family event of the year. We'll most likely be going to Stroudsburg, PA for the traditional event we have at my great aunt and uncle's house. I'll most likely bring Richard along, which will ensure my entertainment. I don't foresee myself spending alot of time with Mike, but I hope to.

..Look alive, Age. Time to smile. <3

It's been..an interesting weekend. I went shopping with Mike and Nicole in the city on Friday..that was good. I wound up buying alot of really cute things which I'm anxious to wear. Mike's birthday was on Saturday and he really didn't want to do anything but go to El Greco. He told me that I really shouldn't come because they [ he and Samantha] weren't really doing anything. I think he just wanted to spend time with Samantha, but I don't really care because I didn't want to go out in all the rain anyway. That, along with the fact that I was sick as shit.

I woke up Saturday morning feeling pretty bad, but I was still alive enough to go to work. That was pretty fun because Bobby was working today and I'm his "yang" as he called it. I've been talking to him on the phone recently and he's a very cool, male version of myself. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing, but it's pretty nice for now. After work, my mother and I had to go to a birthday party for her godson's son. Does that make her a great godmother? Well, who cares. It was pretty fun and I had to lay it down in Soul Calibur 2 and Marvel vs Capcom as
usual. Afterwards, my mother, her friend, Gail and myself went for manicures and pedicures because they had a party to attend later that night. By the way, my toes look so damn cute. By the time we arrived at the nail spot, I was feeling even more sick than I had been earlier and I couldn't wait to get home. I went to bed at around 10 and woke up at 7 the next morning. This provided a problem because I had to be at work about an hour earlier. My mother showed up at around the same time and told me to call in sick. Sadly, I'd lost the number to Dunkin' Donuts and had to drag my sick ass out of bed, in the rain and march myself to Dunkin Donuts. Teary eyed and with a cracking voice, I asked George if I could have the day off. He complied..and I marched my teary eyed, pre-pubescent boy sounding ass back home and back into bed. Did I mention that my mother's car window got smashed while she was at that party last night? One block away from the police precinct at that.

In other not so strange news, Richard is playing on my delicate nerves. He should know better because if that condom behaved, I should be expecting my period in a few days. I'm not for his ignorance or his bullshit this week. It's that time of the year where guys start hitting on me moreso than usual and being a nice, well-behaved girlfriend is becoming a task. At Funtime on Saturday, the cutest hunk of Italian goodness approached me to say how 'fly' I was. So what does Adrienne do? Yeah, I took his number. I figured, why not? The day before that, John Flattow [ 1 year Midwood graduate]pulls up at my bus stop and we start talking because I hadn't seen him in awhile and you know what? Yeah, I took his number too. Just a regular ol' pimptastic mistress of 'flyness' this weekend. Strangely enough, both those guys' names were John. Is this becoming a trend? Damn it, Lauren.
I really hope that my voice returns tomorrow because this "loud whispering" isn't cute.

I hate my new job already. The more I'm there, the more I'm beginning to realize why Samantha quit her job at the other Dunkin'Donuts. My managers are blooming idiots and instead of hiring more people, they have the few of us working like slaves for 9 hours a day and sometimes more. Just yesterday, five people came in asking for jobs and I know that Bill, Dino and George also have like 100 applications sitting in their office. They always complain that they don't have enough help and that's why we have to work crazy hours with indefinite schedules. Here's a thought.. hire some of the many fucking kids that need and want summer jobs. I'm really getting sick and tired of being called at the last minute to come in to work because there isn't enough help.

On Saturdays, I work from 6 am -2:30 pm and I like that. Well, yesterday my manager tells me that this Saturday he switched me from 2:30-11:30. First of all, my best friend's birthday is on Saturday and we planned to celebrate both our birthdays. I'm not letting this job take over my life and when I pick up my paycheck tomorrow, I will be telling them that the only way I can work on Saturday is if it's the morning shift. I mean, the money's not that fucking good.

Last night, I was ready to kill my shift leader because he was pissing everyone off as usual. Tony's an ugly little Mexican rat who let's his smidgen of power go to his head. He treats the younger girls [myself included] like we're incapable of handling the simple tasks of the job. He makes everything seem more difficult than it really is and it makes me sick. Nothing we do is ever right and he was screaming on me all fucking day. No one screams at me so I screamed back and he told me I needed to cut my attitude. Yeah? How about I cut your throat with an ice pick? He's the reason why I hate the night shift. I love working in the morning because George is there and he's the sweetest man in the world. Work seems so much easier and fun when he's around. This is one of the many reasons why I'm discouraged about the thought of working Saturday night with Tony. He's only going to give me a migraine when I should've been out having a nice night with Mike.

So..my birthday was on Tuesday and it was as good as I expected. I went to dinner with Richard and my parents and we got nice and drunk. The party really started when we got back to my house because my dad was bugging out and it was hilarious. Also, my mother bought me this 3,000 dollar custom made diamond necklace that's absolutely gorgeous. I guess I'd better kiss her ass for the next two weeks or so.

Aside from my birthday, this has been a pretty bad week for me. I had to work on Wednesday and it was the worst day thus far because Tony [our shift leader] had a stick up his ass and put all of us in a bad mood. When it was time for me to leave he hugged me and asked how my birthday was as if he hadn't been pissing me off all day. Whatever. I have work this weekend and I'm mad because I really need to get my hair done already.

I am in an extremely terrible mood for whatever reason. I've been trying to figure it out all morning, but to no avail. If I didn't know any better, I'd assume it was the disgusting weather. I wish I could see Richard today. For the first time in weeks I actually miss him.

Yesterday was Dunkin Donuts' grand opening and it was an all around hectic day. It was awful, really. That was also because I hate my shift leader. She's a pain in the ass who thinks she knows everything, although she knows little more than the rest of us. My shift was from 6 am to 2 pm. Waking up at 5:00 was bad enough on it's own.

Today was alot better because my shift leader, Tony is the coolest guy ever. He knows his stuff, plus he's really sweet and a big flirt too. He was on my balls nearly the entire day and finding any excuse to touch me. After bringing the coffee machines to the sink, I jokingly complained that my shoulders were hurting. Naturally, he had to rub my shoulders and say something cheesy like, ' Don't worry, I'll take care of you today.' ..Aha. If my actual boss, Dino were to say something like that I would be even more excited. Much more excited, actually. Anyhow, today went pretty smooth and at the end of the night we all stocked up on bagels, donuts and stuff. I have a huge shopping bag of stuff sitting downstairs on the kitchen counter. Actually.. I think I'll have an everything bagel with cream cheese tomorrow morning.


Oh, and I dragged Richard to see Troy with me on Saturday to complete my goal of seeing it three times. [oh yeah!]To my surprise.. he loved it! Tomorrow, we're supposed to be seeing Shrek 2 and going out to eat as an early celebration for my birthday on Tuesday. I have alot more to say, but my body hurts and I'm really exhausted. So, off to bed with me.

..This should take awhile.

I started training at Dunkin' Donuts today and it wasn't bad, but I can already tell that this job is going to be kicking my ass. All of the servers are girls from around the neighborhood that I know, have worked with or have seen around. They're nice girls and our boss is a pretty nice guy. His nephew, Dino is a hot piece of work but we don't get to see him that much anyhow. Today, we learned how to make Strawberry Coolatas and how to operate the extremely complicated touch screen register. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it after two or three days of playing with it.

We're supposed to be getting our work schedules tomorrow and I can't help but think that it's going to seriously cut into my boyfriend time. With my other job, we could come in when we felt like it. As long as the job was completed before our deadline. I seriously hope that I can get Mondays off because I always spend those days with Richard and it'd be terrible. I get the feeling we're hardly going to see each other because we both work so much. Relationships fall apart when things like that happen. I can already see it beginning to crumble before my eyes and there's nothing I can do about it. I have to work. I can't stand being without a job or two at all times because I'm stuck on that whole "independent woman" bullshit. I don't want to be like his old girlfriends who mooched off of him and never bothered getting jobs of their own. I never want to have to ask him for anything. I know girls ask their boyfriends for money, but it's just below me for some reason. Although, my mother tells me that women get married so their lives can be easier. She is right..in a sense. Yet, the whole idea of it seems so..old fashioned. I can see Richard and I in the future and it isn't pretty. He loves me, but he's selfish. Very selfish and so into himself that he wouldn't make me feel like the queen he promises to make me. I imagine us both having separate bank accounts and only coming together for things when it's absolutely necessary. Mortgage, for instance.

As hypocritical as it sounds after everything else I just wrote.. I would eventually want someone to kind of take care of me. However, I'd like for them to want to do it and of their own accord without me having to ask. Not to say that I'd be happy sitting on my ass doing nothing, but it'd be nice to know that someone wants to do things for me.. and do it with a smile.

This week is going by slower than ever for me. It's only Wednesday. Why..? It looks like I'll be going to New Orleans for a week in July and I can only imagine what'll happen on that fun filled trip. I'm supposed to be going with Mike and his ' boyfriend, yet not boyfriend' and Crystal. I forget why I'm going exactly. Oh, right. I was badgered. My mother told me what a great experience it would be. I think she just wants the house to herself that week so she can have sex in every corner of the house. Oh well. If it makes her happy, I guess.

I'm also supposed to be going on a cruise in August with my mother and her friend, Lisa. My mother invited Richard along without even asking me and I hope he doesn't come up with the money to go.. although I know he will. I want to be able to have fun without my boyfriend worrying about what I'm doing. I'm sure I'll have a good time either way. Hrm..I'll also be saying goodbye to my old job. Looks like I'll be working at the Dunkin Donuts two blocks from my house. It's convenient, very close and hopefully it won't be so bad. Besides, our manager is pretty cute. He told me to come in tomorrow for training and what-such.

I talked to an old friend/ boyfriend last night and I really missed him. I have so much fun with him on the phone, but that isn't necessarily a good thing. He's more like the type of guy that I should be with and talking to him makes me question my current relationship..and that's no good. Sometimes, I wish that we'd never broken up in the first place, but these are the things that happen in long distance relationships anyhow.

I just woke up in a violent sweat and hysterical tears. I think I may have quite possibly had the worst dream in my entire life. Last night, I wrote an entry about Richard and why's he's been on my nerves these past few days. I also wondered just what I was doing with him in the first place. I think I know.

The Dream
I was walking in a neighborhood that I doubt it exists, but I'm always in the same place whenever I have a dream. I think this place is a conglomeration of all the places I enjoyed when I was a kid. A small sector of this imaginary place looks to be Kingsborough projects; where my aunt lives. I spent alot of time there when I was younger. Another part of this place is several locations from where I used to live in Queens. The rest is entirely random.

While I'm walking, I see Richard standing alone at the far end of the block as if he's waiting for me. As I walk towards him, the scenery slowly changes and then he's gone. When the dream switched to the next location, a guy was talking to me. I assumed it was Jose; Richard's best friend. He asked me if I'd seen Richard and I told him that I had. He'd also asked if his girlfriend was with him. I thought that was me..? Naturally, I was confused.

Richard appeared yet again and said hello to Jose, but didn't acknowledge my presence until I said hello. That's when he said that he'd met another girl; a 14 year old panamanian chick that he was absolutely crazy for. I felt my heart break to pieces, even in the dream. Then the scene changed again.

I think I was in his room crying on his bed when he came in with his new girlfriend [ who was Russian. My dreams tend to change and warp things sometimes]. Ignoring her, I asked him if he loved her the way that he loved me and he said, " I love her alot more". The heart broke yet again and the tears came. Then I woke up.

What is this? Some kind of sign from my inner conscience? ..Most likely. I bitch and moan about the things that he does and somehow forget that he's the best boyfriend I could ask for. He treats me like royalty, I know that he loves me and he just wants to make me happy. I need to quit nitpicking at his every flaw because I'm not perfect[though he thinks so] and neither is anyone else. I called him up a few minutes ago crying and asked if he loved me. " Of course." Would you ever leave me? "What?! Baby, I would never leave you. I love you too much. I'm more afraid of you leaving me." Then, I told him about the dream and assured me that nothing like that would ever happen. ..I need a cigarette after all this.

I'm in a bad mood right now. Why? I just got off the phone with Richard. Honestly, he's just been pissing me off with a fierceness this week. It could be because I'm PMSing..but it could also be the fact that he's an idiot. If there's one thing I cannot stand..yes. Idiots. I especially can't stand idiocy when I'm on my period.

First off, he called me about an hour ago after not calling me all day because he assumed I was upset with him. I told him he was silly for thinking that, but the truth is that I was upset with him. I'd been upset with him all afternoon, all morning and the previous night.

Last night
I was high.. and having the most intellectual high of my life. Richard called and somehow or another..he struck up this strange conversation. He asks me, " What's one thing you hate about me or something in this relationship?" ..One thing? What a fool he must be to even provoke me. I didn't know where the question had come from, so I told him that I didn't want to talk about it in order to avoid a conflict. But remember..I was high. The truth always tends to come out when you're high. So, I let him have it. I told him that I couldn't stand how ignorant he was with alot of issues and his need to always be right[when he's always wrong]. I also told him that I don't like it when he patronizes me or treats me like I don't know anything.
Example..
He grew up in Brownsville, one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Brooklyn. I grew up in a white neighborhood in Queens and moved to a nice, quiet neighborhood in Brooklyn [Sheepshead Bay]. I remember the first time he asked if I'd ever seen someone be killed and I told him 'no'. He looked at me as if I'd never eaten white bread or something. Is it my fault that I wasn't raised in a place having to worry about gunfights, getting mugged, getting jumped and all that funny shit? No, it isn't.

Anyway, back on track. Every time I told him something that I disliked about him/the relationship, I'd tell him that I didn't want to talk about this anymore because he would only get upset. " No, no. Keep going,baby. Just tell me the truth." ..Boy, you can't handle the truth. So, I kept it coming. I told him that I can't stand the way he always needs to know exactly what I'm doing, where I'm doing it, who I'm doing it with, etcetera. I never ask in detail where he's going. Hell, I don't even ask. If he told me that he was going somewhere with a friend, I'd be fine. If I were to tell him that I was going out with a friend, the conversation can go in one of two directions..

Path 1 ..
R> " What friend?"
A> " A friend of mine."
R> " Boy or girl?"
A> "..Girl."
R> " Oh, 'aight'. What you two gonna do?"
A> " Smoke, probably."
R> " Okay, baby."

Path 2 ..
R> " What friend?"
A> " A friend of mine."
R> " Boy or girl?"
A> "..Boy.""
R> " Oh, word? What's his name?"
A> " "
R> " Where you know him from?"
A> " None of your business." (<-- note: mask the hostility with a girly giggle)
R> " Where's he live?"
A> " Why's it matter?"
R> " Baby, please just give me his address."


..And so on and so forth.Why should I have to answer his 21 questions? My own mother doesn't even question me that way and she's the only person that I truly have to answer to. It really isn't my fault that I only have about three real girlfriends to speak of. All my other friends are boys because I hate the way most girls behave. I swear, they're only good for random bisexual romps.

Eventually though, I noticed a change in his voice and since he felt like being a dick, I decided to reverse his question. Of course I'd love to know what he hates about me. He told me that he hates how close Mike and I are. He thinks that it should be him that can come see me whenever he wants, smoke up, sleepover and all that stuff. He also seems to think that I'm going to get so gosh darn high one day that I'm going to up and suck Mike's dick or something. He's gay..you know that. Relax, buddy. He also hates the fact that every guy in my neighborhood knows me and they say hello to me when I'm with him. What, are they not supposed to say hello to me? Am I not supposed to respond? It's my fucking neighborhood. Yes, people know my name. I'm sure it's the same thing around his way. I bet that if I were with him in Brownsville, an army of bitches would be saying hello to his ass left and right. Don't get me started. That was pretty much all he said and for a moment I'd started to feel bad about some of the things that I said because I really didn't hold back. After we hung up, he texted me.

" wow, i hate u so mch rite now but that sound fucked up because i love you, but damn."

So, out of courtesy.. I texted him back with :

" Lol. You hate me now? That's mature."

He called my phone about a second after I sent that and explained that he didn't hate me, but I played him really hard by saying all that. Tch..tough breaks, huh?

Okay, so that was last night. Like I said, he called me about an hour ago..well, an hour and a half ago now. I was telling him about how great a movie Troy was. Then this idiot has the audacity to ask me, " So, what's Troy about?" I thought everyone had at least a basic idea of what Troy was about. Come on now. I tried explaining it to him, but I soon got fed up with his stupidity and I caught a serious 'tude. I gave a brief explanation about why the Trojan War started and he asks: " Um, right. So who got the girl at the end? " ..God. It never ends. For the minute.. I do believe in God. God,if you are up there.. I need answers. What in your NAME am I doing with this boy? I think I love him, yet look at the length of this entry. It's filled with negativity and trivial bullshit that happens between the two of us all the time. Marriage. Puh. Could I really spend the rest of my life with someone who compromises his intelligence almost every time he parts his lips? Maybe we can get married and have an arrangement where he doesn't speak, seeing that everything he says tweaks my delicate nerves.

Well, I just got home and I am so fuckin' beat. I've been experiencing the beauties of those lovely menstrual cramps all day. However, not even the burdens of girlhood could ruin the fact that Troy was a good movie. Great movie, actually. God.. I'm actually looking forward to seeing it again.

Initially, I wanted to see the movie for Orlando Bloom since he's my current obsession and all. He looked great as per-usual, but, I wound up fawning for the other guys/chicks in the movie. Like..Eric Bana. That man looks so damn good. The next object of lust is embarassing because I used to laugh at the girls that found him gorgeous. Okay, ladies.. I apologize and I understand now. Brad Pitt.. was at his apex of hotness in this movie. I mean, I couldn't believe it. Obviously I still can't believe it because I'm actually writing about this in my journal. It's just.. he looked so bronzy..muscular..and that shoulder length blonde hair was totally working for him.. and how he kicked ass the way that he did-..phew. I'll even admit that the chick who played Helen in the movie was so gorgeously fuckable. Hell, I'd start a colossal war for her.

Wow.. I woke up so late today. So late that going to school would make very little sense. My mother was home, too and usually she wakes me up. Oh well. She must've been damn tired to forget.

All I know is that I need to graduate, get my damn license/car and get another job. I can't take working for my current boss much longer. I was going to try to hitch a job at the Dunkin Donuts that's opening two blocks up from my house. However, my friend Samantha worked at the other DD within the area for about two weeks before quitting. Throughout the entire ordeal, she complained to us nearly every day about how terrible the job was. On top of that, I think they pay about $1.00 below the minimum wage level and that's bullshit. It's just that getting summer jobs is so hard nowadays because all the jobs that are meant for teenagers are being hogged by the jobless geezers [ thank you, Bloomberg]. So, we as the younger generation are just fucked unless we get lucky.

I'm still unsure as to what college I want to go to. Since I'm not ready to leave the city I love [and hate]..it's between Brooklyn College, College of Staten Island and Hunter College. Hunter is a great school, but doesn't have any of the courses that I'm interested in. CSI isn't a bad school, either but Brooklyn College is better. However, attending Brooklyn College means having to gaze upon that horrid structure known as Midwood for yet another YEAR until I transfer.

God! What am I asking for?!?! I just want my fucking diploma. My fucking car and my fucking job. God dammit. I'm pushing for all three before the end of June.

Okay, so I just got home and as usual there's mail for me. Oh, looky here. I find some sort of card in the mailbox about my cutting[ which I assume is in reference to my many, many absences from my 2nd period art class]. Okay, that didn't bother me. A cut card's a cut card. I've seen them too many times. What did bother me was my information in the lower right hand corner with my name, address,osis number and official class. Everything was correct--..except my official class read 5YM. 5YM?!?! What is this?! Anyone that goes to Midwood knows that the first number of your official class indicates the year of your graduating class. Seeing the dilemma yet? I'm a senior. This is 2004. Why the FUCK is there a five in my god damn official class number? I know for a fact that my official class is 4AM, so maybe it was a mistake? Maybe they're fucking with me? Or maybe I just have to plunge off of a five story roof since life would pretty much be over anyway if it were true. See, if I knew that God existed or gave a damn I would be cursing towards the ceiling of this fucking room. But you know..I'm just going to smoke this cigarette and hope that I get cancer and die tomorrow or something. ..Aha.

Body ills and kills:
Do you bite your nails: Sometimes I do.
Can you roll your tongue: No, but dammit I wanted to learn how to for awhile.
Can you raise one eyebrow at a time: Yes. Eyebrow manipulation is one of my fortes. Oh ho!
Can you blow smoke rings: Not with cigarettes, but with joints, yeah.
Can you blow spit bubbles : ..That's just gross.
Can you cross your eyes : Well, sure.
Tattoos and Where : No, but I kind of want one.
Piercings and Where: Ears and navel. The return of the tongue ring is on the way.
Do you make your bed daily: Yes. I skeeve messy beds.
Clothes:
What goes on first bra or underwear: Underwear.
Which shoe goes on first: Left.
Speaking of shoes, have you thrown one at someone: Whew.. once or twice.
How much money is usually in your wallet: At least 30.
What jewelry do you wear 24/7 : Either my Fossil, Guess or Ecko watch.
What's sexiest on a guy: Beautiful eyes.
What's sexiest on a girl: Smooth skin,modest sized boobs and.. [ ..Why did I just answer that?]
Would you rather be on time and look OK or late and look great: I'd must rather be leate and look great.
Foods and Drinks:
Favorite Food(s): Shrimp scampi,pasta, pizza.
Favorite Drink(s): Starbucks Frapps, Green Tea w/ milk, water.
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut?: Twirling. It just looks so darn elegant to me.
How many cereals are in your cabinet: Three, I think. Raisin Bran [ugh], Corn Flakes [worse] and Apple Jacks [thank god].
What utensils do you use eating pizza: Wtf?
Do you cook: If I'm on the verge of dying from hunger.. which I feel like almost every second of the day.
Grooming:
How often do you brush your teeth: Two times a day or whenever I need to get that smoky taste off my tongue.
How often do you shower/bathe: At night and mid afternoon.[If I'm not working]
How long do these showers last: 45 minutes, usually. I love showers.
Hair drying method: Combing hair straight down while wet, spray on leave in conditioner and blow dry in sections fifteen minutes later.
Do you paint your nails: If I'm in a seriously girly mood.
Manners:
Do you swear: As often as possible.
Do you spit in public: Only if it's after a blunt. Other wise..no.
Do you pee in the shower : ..So that's like..standing barefoot on the surface where your urine rivered down into the drain? ..That's wrong. What next? " Do you wipe after you shit"?
In and Around:
The CD player: Sweetbox, Hikaru Utada, Ayumi Hamasaki mix CD.
Person you talk most on the phone with: Richard.
What color is your bedroom: Light green.
Do you use an alarm clock: Yes. My mom.
Have you ever skinny dipped with the opposite sex: Nope.
Ever sunbathed in the nude: Nope.
Window seat or aisle: Definitely window seats.
What's your sleeping position: On my back.
What kind of bed do you like: Soft, yet firm king size.
In the hot weather do you use a blanket: Hell no.
Do you snore: During the sinus and allergy season, yeah.
Do you sleepwalk: Haha. No.
Do you talk in your sleep: I'm..not sure?
Do you sleep with stuffed animals : Just one.
Do you sleep with the light on : No.
Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on : I listen to the same orchestrated song on repeat at low volume every night.
When was the last time you:
Watched Bambi: Aw, that movie is sad. Haven't seen it in years.
Cried : Four days ago, I think.
Talked on the phone: About an hour ago.
Read a book : Currently reading 'The Da Vinci Code'
Punched someone : Two hours ago.
Rented a movie: It's been awhile.
Friends:
Who is your best friend: Mike.
What friend makes you smile the most: Justin.
One you talk to the most online: Heather.
Friend that you miss the most : David..Simon..Ray..
Music:
Is music important to you: Music gets me through everything.
Do you sing? : On my own time.
What instruments do you play? : I don't do instruments.
What do you think of Eminem: I think he's genius. Oh, and I think he'd be a good lay.
In your opinion, what band is the best of all time? ..Definitely Nirvana.


Do You Like..:
Pop music: Of course. It's fun to sing to.
Rock music: Hell yes.
Punk music: Yes.
Rap music: Yes.
Hip-Hop/RNB: : Uh huh.
Country: ..Not quite.
Jazz: ....
Classical: Some of it.
What is one band/singer you absolutely love that no one else does or seems to have heard about : Something Corporate.
For or Against...
Long Distance Relationships - For. They tend to be deeper than local relationships for some reason.
Using Someone - For. I mean, do what you've gotta do.
Suicide - Hey, it's a free country.
Killing People - ..Depends.
Doing Drugs - I'm not down with crack, heroine or anything like that but I'm cool with the silly teenager drugs. ie: Weed,Ecstasy, Acid.
Teenage Smoking - Although I still smoke, I'm really against it. I want to quit so bad.
Premarital Sex - For it.
Drunk Driving - Very against this..
Gay/Lesbian Relationships - Hey, why not?
What...
Shampoo Do You Use - Pantene Pro-V [ for hair so healthy it shines]
Kind Of Shoes Do You Wear - Diesel anything and high heeled boots.
Are You Scared Of - Weight gain, failure, loneliness.
Have you...
Ever Cried Over A Girl/Boy - Yes.
Ever Lied To Someone - Well, of course.
Ever Been In a Fist Fight - Yes.
Ever Been Arrested - No. Don't plan on it.
Do you or Have you...
Do You Wish You Could Live Somewhere Else - Yeah. Manhattan or California.
Have You Ever Thought About Suicide - Oh yeah and I guess I did it wrong. Lol.
Do Others Find You Attractive - Naturally.
Do You Want More Piercings - I want my damn tongue ring and I'm kind of itching to get a cartilage piercing.
Do You Want More Tattoos - Well, I don't have any to add to, but I do want one.
Do You Drink - Yeah. Alot, too.
Do You Like Cleaning - I like having a clean living space, but what normal person likescleaning?
Do You Like Roller Coasters - Hell yeah!
Do You Write In Cursive or Print - Things that have to be read by other people.. print. Things that only I'll be reading [like journals]..cursive.
Do you consider yourself to be a happy person: No, but I like to pretend.

When it comes down to it, I think I just talk a whole lot of mess when it comes to cheating on Richard. No matter how much I seem to think about it, I'd extricate my own heart if I actually went about doing it. He loves me so much and I feel so terrible knowing that I even think about other guys. But..I can't help it.

Last night, Richard went out and his little brother, LP signed onto his screenname. I wound up talking to this little 14 year old for about an hour and a half and he told me some interesting things that I definitely wasn't supposed to know. Richard would kill him if he knew. LP tells me that Richard bought an engagement ring for me that he keeps inside this safe in his room. Apparently, he hasn't given it to me because he doesn't want me to think he's obsessive.Well, it's too late for that. Engagement ring? Sweet, yes..but still. That's too serious for my blood.

Later that night, Richard called me and I told him that LP and I talked for a long time while he was gone and he seemed very panicky. " What did he tell you?" ..He told me a lot. " Did he say anything about a metal box?" ..No, of course not. I'm not for ruining his little surprise and I'm not for getting LP's ass kicked, either. So I lied, but I think he's afraid that I may know. Although, I made an attempt to play dumb in begging him to tell me about the "metal box" in question.

I never had a boyfriend feel so seriously for me and I honestly question as to whether I'm ready for something like this. He's always talking about marriage and the kids that I'm not having. I joke around with him by saying that we're adopting a child from Malaysia. He objects and insists that I'm having a kid. No. No, I'm not. I don't mind that he has his entire life planned, but he's also making a point to plan mine, too and I don't really appreciate it. I actually plan on becoming something and doing something that satisfies me. The last thing I want is to be someone's house bitch. Children hinder dreams and he's talking about having a child around the age of 22-23.. when your life is just beginning. Unfortunately, I'm too selfish to surrender my life to a baby. I've got shit to do.

At The Moment
1. Name: Adriennne
2. Nicknames: Adj/Age
3. Feet size: 7
4. Do you have a crush: Yes
5. Boyfriend? Yes, but amazingly it isn't the same person as my crush
6. Age you act: Older than my actual age [..or so they tell me]
7. Where Do You Live: Brooklyn
8. Where you want to live: Manhattan or California
9. Favorite Salad Dressing: Italian
10. Ever gone skinny dipping? No, sorry
11. What are you watching? Inuyasha
12. Who's ur best friend? Mike
13. Last person you talked to: Richard
14. Favorite movie: Moulin Rouge, Romeo and Juliet,Lord of the Rings
15. Favorite Book: The Da Vinci Code
16. Favorite Type of music: Alternative
17. Favorite types of cars: Acura RSX,Corvette, Mitsubishi Eclipse
18. Favorite Saying: The nerve of you
19. Favorite Fast Food:Taco Bell
20. Favorite Ice Cream: Cookies and Cream
21. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Apple martinis
22. When Do You Go To Sleep: 1 am
23. Most Embarrassing Moment: ..Haha
24. Stupidest Person you know: David
25. Funniest Person you know: Misha
26. Favorite holiday: Halloween
27. Favorite Food: Shrimp scampi, tortellini
28. Favorite Song: Something Corporate - Me and the Moon
29. Favorite Television Show: All forms of reality television
30. Favorite Radio Station: K-Rock, Z-100.
31. Favorite junk food: Watermelon Sour Patch Kids
32. Favorite sappy love song: Sweetbox- 1000 Words
33. Favorite Drink: Starbucks Frappucino
34. Favorite article of clothing: My penguin pjs.
35. Favorite Animal: Raven

+||SECTION TWO: The Future
1. School: Still waiting to know.
2. Where You Want To Live: California
3. How Many Kids You Want: ..None, but I get the feeling I'll have at least one
4. What Kind Of Job You Want: Either a mortician or something in the fashion industry
5. Wedding song: Hm..I'll have to sit on that one
6. Pets? Two dogs and a ferret
7. Car? Hooked up Mitsubishi Eclipse
8. 5 years from now? Grad school
9. 10 years from now? Married with a good job
10. 20 years from now? ..If I live to get that far

+||SECTION THREE: Have You Ever..
1. Done Drugs: Most def
2. Run Away From Home: Once, twice or thrice
3. Hit A Boy: Sure
4. Lied: I don't think I would've made it this far otherwise
5. Stolen Anything: Haha. Yeah
6. Broken A Bone: No and I don't plan on it
7. Cheated On A Test: Sure
8. Cheated On A Boyfriend: No, usually I only think about it
9. Gotten Drunk: Psh. Hell yes
10. Been In The Hospital: For visitation purposes anyway
12. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: Isn't that in the unwritten contract of friendship?
13. Fell asleep in the shower/bath: Lmfao. Yes
14. Gone to Church: I don't do church
15. Never slept during a night:Yeah
16. Ever been on a motorcycle or motorbike: Not yet
17. Been to a camp: Yes. Some of the worst experiences of my life
18. Sat in a restaurant w/o ordering: No, I love food
19. Didn't wash your hair for a week: Ew...but yes. Haha
20. Broken something valuable: Yes
21. Thought you were in love: Yes
22. Streaked the streets: Hell no
23. Screamed at someone for no reason: Sure
24. Told someone you loved them and meant it?: Yes Saying you love someone and not being sincere about it is just plain cruel
25. Been hurt by a guy/girl you loved: Yes
26. Stayed up till 4 am on the phone: Almost every night
27. Pulled a prank? Lol. Of course
28. Made fun of someone? Oh come on. Who hasn't? No,really.

+||SECTION FOUR: Which Is Better..
1. Coke Or Pepsi: Coke
2. Cats Or Dogs: Cats
3. DVDs or VHS: DVD
4. Deaf Or Blind: Deaf
5. Pools Or Hot Tubs: Hot tubs
6. Television Or Radio: Radio
7. CDs Or MP3's: MP3s
8. Apples or oranges: Apples
9. Strawberries or Blueberries: Strawberries
10. Gold or silver: Silver
11. Vanilla or chocolate: Vanilla
12. Movies or music: Music
13. Park or Beach? Beach
14. Hot or Cold weather? Mild?
15. Sunset or Sunrise? Sunset

+||SECTION FIVE: When is the Last Time You..
1. Took a shower: This morning
2. Cried: Two days ago
3. Watched a Disney movie: Sheesh..can't really remember
4. Given/gotten a hug: Today
5. Been to the movies: Two days ago [ 'Mean Girls'.. so cute]
6. had a boy/girlfriend: Well, I currently have a boyfriend
7. kissed someone: Four days ago
8. Said I love you: Last night
9. danced: Haha. This morning
10. did a survey like this: Wow..a long, long time ago.

+||SECTION SIX: What is..
1. Your Fondest Memory Of This year: My boyfriend shedding a tear over the thought of losing me
2. Your Most Prized Possession: My journal [ the one I actually write in]
3. The Thing That Makes You The Happiest: Sex, weed,music and Mike
4. Your Favorite Food For Breakfast: Pancakes
5. Your Favorite Food For Dinner: ..Shrimp scampi!
6. Your Favorite Slow Song: Seal - Kissed By a Rose

+||SECTION SEVEN: What do i feel about...
1. Bill Clinton: Love 'im
2. Love at First sight: Seems possible.
3. Abortion: Man, fuck babies.
4. Smoking: I'm all for cancer.
5. Death: I like the sound of that.
6. Eating disorders: It'd be damn hypocritical for me to have a problem with them. Muffins,cream puffs, donuts: $11, Super strength laxatives: $8.50,Toothbrush:$3, Losing 6 lbs in 40 minutes: Priceless.
7. Rap: Love it
8. Marilyn Manson: Love 'im
9. Premarital sex: Oh yes
10. Suicide: Sure, why not?

..Thank the non-existent heavens. I recently had to distance myself from my beloved Blurty thanks to a certain nagging boyfriend who disected every damn word that I'd written from september 2003 - april 2004. Now I smile brightly at the thought that I've found refuge from his obsessive compulsive behavior. Oh yes. Helloooo, LJ. So if he miraculously finds this thing, I suppose I'm just fuckin' screwed.

So, last night my mother so 'graciously' invited me to go to the village with her and her boyfriend, Charles. That was damn fun, too. As we were walking I caught sight of this store called, Remixx and observing the clothes in the window.. I had to go in. They had some of those beautifully slut-tastic outfits I'd ever laid eyes upon. I walked out with this incredibly unique [yet still slutty] top that I can't even begin to describe. Sure it was 180 bucks, but it was a sexily spent 180 bucks. My mother offered to get me the matching skirt, but she thought it was entirely too short and for the first time I had to agree. So, instead I bought another shirt; a cute wifebeater that says, " I fucked your boyfriend". Awww.

After that, we hit the sex shops. We went into Tic-Tac-Toe and I strayed away from my mother and Charles so that they could do their freaky shopping without worrying about me watching. While their backs were turned, I did my own damn shopping. I bought a hefty bottle of this silky water based lube and assorted colored/flavored condoms. After we left, I discovered that my mother had taken the liberty to buy me more condoms so I really didn't have to spend money buying my own previously. Ah well.

On the ride home, I was all too curious to know what my mother and Charles had bought. So, I quietly went into her shopping bag to take a peak. If I'd laughed as loudly as I'd wanted to I would've been busted. Tell me why.. she had a leather whip, about ten black condoms [because Charles is just that damn dark], handcuffs and this like.. I don't know what the fuck. It was like a stick with a green feather on the tip. For what? Tickling assholes or something? Either way, it was damn funny. Meanwhile, Richard had been texting me all day after I'd explained to him several times that I was out. Of course that elicited the response of: " Out where, out with who?" None.Of.Your.God.Damn.Business. Alright, alright. I suppose I should cut him some slack because of course any guy wants to know what their girlfriend is up to, but still. Let me do my thing and I'll check in with you later, damn. I ____ the kid alot, but he's just the clingiest creature and it bothers me. Something really, really stinks so I can assume that it's dinner time.

PS: Don't rip on my layout picture. I'm just that obsessed with Final Fantasy X-2 and I can't help it. <3